Johnny Depp has backed out of starring in the upcoming Pancho Villa biopic. We think it’s for the best. We aren’t knocking ‘Ol Johnny. He’s a good actor, but we think Pancho Villa should be played by a Latino. There is no reason why Villa has to be played by a white dude. Gone are the days when Hispanics were always played by white actors in brown face. Have you seen Marlon Brando in Viva Zapata? So, we would like to suggest some casting options to director Emir Kusturica.
Pros: Great actor, has experience with biopics (Ché), has the necessary gravitas to play the legendary rebel.
Cons: He makes goofy faces a lot. Our favorite one, is when he looks like he’s being kicked in the nuts while sucking on a lemon.
Pros: Is also a great actor, has experience with biopics (also played Che), would bring in the ladies.
Cons: He’s too pretty. We aren’t gay, but we’d go all Y Tu Mama Tambien with him.
Pros: He’s paunchy and homely like Pancho Villa, he was great in Boogie Nights and Carlito’s Way, is probably available.
Cons: He has a thick Bronx accent, probably can’t ride a horse, would look like a Mexican garden gnome if you put a sombrero on him.
Pros: Is definitely available, is sort of Mexican, has tiger blood and Adonis DNA, would defeat the federales with his mind bullets.
Cons: He’s Charlie Sheen.
Pros: Umm….well…his voice over work in Beverly Hills Chihuahua was only mildly annoying.
Cons: Pancho Villa’s ghost would come back from the grave and pistol whip the casting director.