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5 Rules For Surviving Black Friday 2017


Friday is Black Friday, the biggest shopping day of the year. Millions of Americans will descend on stores to battle for high ticket items at deeply discounted prices. Every year more and more people get trampled by other unwashed and obese shoppers. Nothing brings out the animal in people like a really cheap Blu Ray player. Latinos are big fans of Black Friday. The few times I’ve taken part in this hellish event, I’ve noticed a lot of us in the fray. Probably because we love a good bargain and the feeling that we are suckering someone. It’s in our blood. Here are a few simple rules to help you survive the war.

Get There Early

I know you are tired from having eaten too much pavo with mofongo stuffing. But if you want to get the really good deals you need to be there early. So early in fact that it’s late. Now, I’m not saying you need to go right after Thanksgiving dinner. You can wait until after dessert. Only pendejos that don’t really want that flat screen show up at 5am.

Know What You Want

Black Friday is not a time to browse. You need to go in there with a plan for what you want, who you are shopping for, and what big ticket items are on the best sales. This takes planning. Make sure you look at the circulars or the sale lists on the website. Make sure they aren’t online only. That’s a rookie mistake.

Take Plenty Of Snacks

This is a common mistake. You are going to be waiting for a long time on Black Friday, first for the store to open and then in line. It’s important that you stay well hydrated and fed. You don’t want to lose your energy halfway through battle. Pack up some leftovers and stock up on Gatorade before you go.

Show No Mercy

I’m a nice guy and I’m sure you are also a lovely person. But nice guys don’t get the Playstation 4. You can’t be Daniel LaRusso and play by the rules. You’ve got to be Billy Zabka from the Cobra Kai dojo and strike first, strike hard, and sweep the leg Johnny!

Know It’s Going To Suck

Don’t delude yourself, war is hell. You are not going to have fun on Black Friday…unless you are some kind of sadistic psycho. It’s something that has to be done like taking care of your family or scooping the cat litter. It may not be the most delightful thing to do but it is your duty to do it. If you go into it with this mindset you are less likely to get discouraged. Or you can just, you know, order stuff from Amazon.

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