5 Things To Do Before The May 21st Apocalypse

Jesus said to his apostles that the end would come suddenly like a thief in the night, and that not even the angels knew the day. Apparently, an old crusty dude in Colorado is privy to this information. According to preacher Harold Camping, the world is going to end the day after tomorrow on May 21st, 2011. Now, from a book sales point of view you would have thought he would have put it off by a year or two, but what do we know? He’s been wrong before, though. He predicted the world would end in 1994. But what if he’s right this time? What if we only have two days left? Here is a suggestion of things to do with the time you have.

Booty Call That Girl You’ve Been Afraid To Ask Out

There’s that girl at your office that you’ve had the hots for since she started working there. You’ve never had the courage to ask her on a date. There is no time like the present, because there is no future. Just walk up to her and say, “Hey there. So, the world is going to end Saturday. What’s say we go grab some Olive Garden and then head back to my place to start this apocalypse off with a bang?” It will work!

Punish Your Enemies

You’ve kept your temper all these years against those who’ve wronged you. Screw that! It’s payback time. Prehaps you were afraid to punch your boss for fear of being fired. Who cares? It’s not like you are getting your check on the 31st. What about that jerk next door with the yappie dog? Ask him if he’s thirsty, then give him some PUNCH!

Call Your Mom

She’s your mom dude, seriously.

Indulge In Bad Habits

There is no point in trying to stay healthy for the next two days. We know the doctor told you to lead a healthier lifestyle, but he’s going to die on Saturday too. That diet you were on? Screw it! If you want to eat a box of donut holes, go ahead. Trying to quit smoking? Light ‘um up! Cancer isn’t going to kill you before God’s wrath does.

Put On A Tie

Just because the world is ending is no excuse to look like a slob. God is sending his angels to throw fire and brimstone at you, the least you can do is look presentable. Take a shower, shave, put on a clean shirt and a tie. Make yourself a cocktail. Make it a double. Step outside and watch the show, there will never be another one like it…that is until the next time Harold Camping predicts the end of the world.