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A Latino GOP VP Candidate? Here Are Some Suggestions.


Latinos voters are starting to feel like the ugly girl who got hot over summer vacation. Suddenly, people who never paid any attention to us are all up on our junk. The Republicans need the Latino vote in order to win, but that’s made somewhat difficult given their anti-immigration and generally xenophobic rhetoric. Their best bet is to try and get the Cubans and Puerto Ricans who aren’t really affected by the whole immigration debate on their side. Puerto Rico governor Luis Fortuño suggested that the GOP could accomplish this by bringing on a Latino VP on their 2012 ticket. It would be an intriguing idea. I’m not sure it would be enough to get Latinos to vote Republican, (anymore than having Sarah Palin on the 2008 ticket encouraged women to vote for them). Fortuño and Florida senator Marco Rubio are among the names being batted around. We’d like to help by suggesting some other alternatives for potential GOP VP candidates.

Perez Hilton

If you want to capture the Cuban vote but don’t want to deal with Rubio’s toolishness, vote for Perez. The Cuban-American blogger is popular among the gays and overweight women that spend all their money on cat costumes. Social conservatives aren’t too keen on the whole gay thing, but luckily he would spend so much of his time dying his hair green or whatever that he’d forget to advocate for gay marriage.

The Ghost of the Taco Bell Chihuahua

You also need a candidate that the Republican base will recognize. Everyone loved the Taco Bell chihuahua when his ads were running in the 1990’s. Unfortunately, the dog that starred in the commercials died last year. Still, they could summon the ghost of the Taco Bell chihuahua through Ouija board. Think of it as telecommuting from beyond the grave.

George Lopez

This guy will do anything for a dollar, so it doesn’t matter that it’s sort of a betrayal of his people. Also his Latino Stepin Fetchit show would make racist Republicans feel comfortable by not challenging any stereotypes. Think of all the face mugging to the camera during State of the Union addresses.

A Taco

Republican politicians like Connecticut mayor Joe Maturo and columnist Dana Milbank have suggested that eating tacos and chimichangas may be the best way to help Latinos. So, why not make a giant tasty taco that can represent the needs of Latino voters while still appealing to the party’s base? You could put google eyes on it to make it look more lively.

Pitbull

This guy is everywhere these days. I think it might be an FCC rule right now that in order to get airplay on the radio you need to have Pitbull sing on your songs. So, why not have him as a VP candidate? He could boost the Republican party’s youth cred, which is pretty low. Maybe he and Romney could grow matching stupid thin beards?

Via Fox News Latino.

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