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Mexico’s Axolotl Nearing Extinction


Sad days for the axolotl, an amphibian indigenous to Mexico also known by the unflattering alias “water monster”. The creature, which was once found in abundance in Lake Xochimilco, has apparently disappeared from its natural habitat. A recent survey of the lake revealed no living axolotls loitering in its murky waters. Those that are known to exist are currently only found in captivity. And I don’t mean good captivity, like being kept as pets. Instead, the little “monsters” (not to be confused with Lady Gaga’s fans) are typically kept in science labs, where they are poked, and probed, and fondled by people wearing latex gloves (kind of like Lady Gaga’s fans).

Admittedly, the little guy looks like something out of a nightmare, but do we really have to call him a “monster”? As of now, the few surviving axolotls are barely hanging on to existence. If they are going to win any new fans, the axolotls are going to need to get someone in their public relations department to put a positive spin on that whole monster misunderstanding. Getting axolotl some good press won’t be any harder than setting up your ugliest friend on a blind date.

“You’re going to love Axolotl! He’s so sweet. He has a great personality – kind of wet. Well, he’s not what I would call classically handsome – he’s, like, so ugly that he’s actually sort of cute. It helps if you’ve had at least four shots of grain alcohol before you talk to him. But hey, what he lacks in good looks he more than makes up for in personality, limb regeneration, and bottom feeding! Look, it’s just one date, okay? It would mean a lot to him. He has to repopulate his dying species.”

So please, help axolotl repopulate his species. It would mean a lot to him. He’d do the same for you.

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