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More Bad Spanish Accents By Non-Latinos

We’ve written before about Non-Latino actors and their terrible Spanish accents. We only scratched the surface. Since then we have noticed many new terrible accents. American actors butchering Spanish so badly, they would have made Cervantes bleed from his ears. It is a long-standing tradition in Hollywood to have Latino characters played by white folks. Just a bottle of black hair dye and a a thick Speedy Gonzalez accent and bam! Instant Latino. Even if you’ve created a reasonably looking Latino facsimile, the hardest part is sounding right. What many Americanos don’t realize is that there are lots of different Latino accents. A Dominican doesn’t sound like and Argentine. They have vocal coaches in Hollywood that get paid a lot of money to help these actor’s sound like the real deal. Hollywood should have asked for their money back on these movies.

Al Pacino in “Carlito’s Way”

Al was on our previous list for his cringe-worthy Cuban accent in “Scarface“. On this list, we’re calling him out for his crappy Puerto Rican accent in “Carlito’s Way”. Like every movie one this list, “Carlito’s Way” is badassery incarnate. And yet, what kind of Latino media critics and snarky bloggers would we be if we didn’t point out his crappy accent? Pacino is an amazing actor, particularly his earlier work. Not as much anymore. He went from the Strasberg acting method to the screaming every line acting method. Al, just don’t try to do anymore accents, buddy. Just stick to your own voice. Take a cue from Sean Connery who speaks with a Scottish accent in whatever role he’s playing, including the Spaniard Juan Sanchez Villalobo-Ramirez in “The Highlander”.

Willem Dafoe in “Once Upon A Time In Mexico”

Willem Dafoe is an amazing, if grotesque-looking actor. He’s starred in films like “The Boondock Saints”, “The Last Temptation of Christ”, and “Spiderman”. It seems like he can do anything…except pass as a Mexican. In Rodriguez’s “Once Upon A Time in Mexico”, he plays drug cartel chief Armando Barillo. He put on brown-face and a thin mustache, but he looked less Mexican and more like Jon Watters if he stayed too long in a tanning bed. You’d think Rodriguez would know better, but…

Steven Seagal in “Machete”

Don’t get us wrong, “Machete” is completely and totally awesome. Danny Trejo makes us proud to be Latino. He’s our own Latino superhero/villain. We also love Steven Seagal. His 90’s action films were the stuff of our childhood tough guy dreams. But his accent in “Machete” was just goofy. He sounded like he was doing an impression of a Mexican Pepe Le Pew. Especially the way he kept saying, “Puñeta”.

Armand Assante in “The Mambo Kings”

Armand Assante thinks he is really sexy. Some women seemed to agree with him, as he had a string of films in the 80’s and early 90’s where he played a heartthrob. Though we think he looks like a balding ferret, there is no accounting for taste. In “The Mambo Kings“, he delivers one of the worst Cuban accents since “Scarface“. Again, it’s a good movie even with his terrible accent. But it is bad. He plays Cuban musician Cesar Castillo who starts a band in New York with his brother Nestor played by Antonio Banderas. Armand Assante thought he could fool us with his bad accent by being sexy. He was wrong.

Natalie Wood in “West Side Story”

West Side Story” is a legitimate American classic. Not only is it considered one of the greatest movie musicals ever, but it also earned the great Rita Moreno an Oscar, the first for a Latina woman. But Natalie Wood’s Puerto Rican accent was terrible. We mean bad. She was the main character, the famous Maaarrrriiiiiaaaaa, but she sounded like a mentally challenged Frito Bandito. As much as we like the film, we sort of hoped the dude who shot Tony would shoot her just to shut her up.

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