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Brazil’s World Cup Loss Was All Mick Jagger’s Fault

Brazil is still reeling from their 7-1 loss to Germany in the 2014 FIFA World Cup a couple of days ago. The poor people of that great nation are still trying to figure out how their team could have choked in such an epic manner. The answer must be supernatural. That was, after all, not an ordinary loss. Many people in Brazil have come to the conclusion that the culprit is none other than Rolling Stones’ front man Mick Jagger. It all began in 2010 when Mick cheered on the USA, England, and Brazil at various matches all while wearing a Brazil jersey. All teams lost. This year he showed up to the World Cup and cheered for England right before their loss to Uruguay, cheered for Italy against Uruguay before they too lost, and he picked Portugal to go all the way. Finally he showed up at the Brazil/Germany match and cheered for Brazil before they totally ate it in the worst defeat in World Cup history.

As Brookes Peck of Yahoo Sports said of Jagger “The Angel of Doom”,

“This was the first match Jagger attended during this World Cup and it just so happened to be one of the worst losses in the history of the sport. Clearly his powers of destruction are only growing stronger.”

Jagger, of course, denied that he had put a curse on Brazil or any other team. Which is exactly what you would say if you had put a curse. But why would the old fart rock star have it in for Brazil? I don’t think it’s that. I think it’s just that he’s really friggin’ bad at picking winners. At least, that’s what the logical part of my brain believes. The superstitious Latino Santeria part of me knows that somehow it is Jagger’s fault. It was rumored back in the sixties that he and Keith Richards sold their souls to Satan in order to become famous and apparently live forever. That part of the deal certainly seems true. But, as we well know, there are always side effects with selling your soul to Satan. Maybe one of Jagger’s payments for fame and eternal life is being really crappy at predicting soccer? Either way, Argentina and Germany better do some Jagger counter hexes.

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