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Colombian Sex Strike


It looks like balls will be flown at half-mast for the foreseeable future in Barbacaos Colombia. For the second time in just a few years, women of that town are embroiled in a sex strike until their demands – paved roads – are met. Whether or not this tactic will work remains to be seen, but I am reminded of what the great philosopher Confucius said, “no one cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.”


Here’s a news story from the previous sex strike in Colombia.

While the withholding of sex might sound like a war crime worthy of the most evil dictators in history, I can also see the merits of this ploy. That’s why I have decided to join in a sympathy strike. Now I will not have sex because it’s the right thing to do. Not because I can’t. Which brings me to my next point: men are incapable of withholding sex to get what they want because sex is what they want. What would a woman even say if you tried this with her? After she got done laughing in your face for thirty minutes, she’d thank you for no longer wanting to crawl atop her like some kind of limbless animal trying to get out of a swimming pool.

How long this sex strike will continue is uncertain. However, one thing is for sure, the men of Colombia need to invest in emergency no sex survival kit. Every kit is different, but here are a few things to get you started.

1) A game console for playing Grand Theft Auto Five or any sports game. This can help you get through the first ten years.

2) Alcohol. Lots of it. This will help keep your pene in a medicated coma. It’s for the best. Should it wake up, it will unleash a fury greater than that of Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.

3) A solid internet connection for dirty pictures. Seriously, there’s a reason heroin addicts don’t quit cold turkey. Your body might go into withdrawal should it suddenly be deprived of a woman’s touch. The photos will help you ease off.

Colombia’s Sex Strike

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