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D Magazine’s Tips On Being A True Dallas Local: Hire A Day Laborer

Oh my, oh my, oh my. What have we got here? Dallas-based online publication D Magazine recently published a list of 52 things Dallasites must do before they can consider themselves a bonafide local. The list is pretty bland (much like the city!) and includes items like riding a mechanical bull, spotting former Dallas Cowboys quarterback Troy Aikman at a local restaurant, and attending the Texas state fair. One thing in this sleep-inducing list did catch our eye, however. What is it, you ask? Instead of telling you, we’ll just show you. We’ve taken the liberty of doing a screengrab and have posted it below (mostly because we don’t particularly care to give them any more pageviews):

Really? You can’t be a true Dallas local until you’ve hired– and exploited!– a day laborer? Clearly, the “D” in D Magazine stands for “douchebaggery.” Surpringly “call the cops every time you see a non-caucasian person in your suburb” wasn’t on the list.  Truth be told, we’re not too familiar with this publication but we’re guessing we’re not their target audience. By that we mean that our family doesn’t belong to a country club, nor do we match our pants with the color of the horse-and-player logo on our pastel-colored polo shirts. Then again, according to recent Census numbers, neither does 70% of the city’s population. Non-Hispanic Whites (D Magazine‘s Wonderbread-and-butter readers) only comprise of 30.1% of the city’s 1.2 million people, whereas Hispanics are a whopping 43.1%.

Why do these figures matter? They’re important because D Magazine‘s list purports to define the true Dallas experience, and yet it completely ignores the fact that “being a true Dallasite” has changed considerably within the last ten years. Even if the list’s intention was to be tongue-in-cheek instead of informative, it reflects a mentality that’s rapidly becoming antiquated . We’re sorry, folks, but the conventions of the antebellum South are becoming more and more archaic.

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