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El Chupacabra Is Back For Halloween

Being Latino and from the Southwest, I’ve lived most of my life with knowledge and fear of El Chupacabra, the vicious blood-drinking, goat-killing monster that haunts Latino nightmares worse than Donald Trump’s toupee. Now definitive proof of the existence of the beast has been found in Paraguay just in time for Halloween. Some naysayers say that it’s just a badly decomposed monkey. Sure, and all of those chupacabras found in Texas and Arizona are just coyotes with mange. Well, maybe they are, but still. Perhaps they are an intergalactic space vampire. What is easier to believe? That it’s just a deformed or sick animal or that it is something evil from outer space? Exactly. An desanguinating alien it is.

Some people have called the Chupacabra the Bigfoot of Latin America. I disagree. A Bigfoot just walks around in a the bushes while a chupacabra friggin’ drains its victims of blood. That sounds a hell of a lot less harmless, don’t you think? Whether it is really a creature from outer space or a mangy wolf, I’m not very comfortable with either. Maybe it’s the Texan in me but I’m shooting first and asking questions after.

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