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Five Poorly Thought Out Products That Insult Latino Cuisine

If you happen to be in Los Angeles today and see Latino Dinosaurs coasting down the street, don’t worry. You could be hallucinating from the 5 nights and days of booze you’ve been drinking. Or, more likely, you’ve stumbled upon the 2012 Natural History Museum’s Rose Parade float. Either way, just do what I would do: take a hair-of-the-dog shot of whatever you have left over from you New Years party and rejoice. These Latino themed dinosaurs are inherently awesome, genuine, and better than most of the bastardized versions of Latino/Hispanic culture marketers try to shove down the throats of North Americans. Let’s take a look at some of the worst false idols markers have managed to create.

Late Night Jalapeño Poppers

Doritos knows that the best way to spice up a product is by adding a jalapeño to the packaging. Thanks to the Last Call chips, potheads around the country can have the entire Mexican experience in their cotton-mouths for as little as 99 cents. The only real saving grace here is that Doritos spared us the indignity of adding a mustache and sombrero to the jalapeño.

McDonald’s Gazpacho (in Spain)

We all know that it’s nearly impossible to find good, genuine Spanish cuisine when you’re visiting Spain. Luckily, McDonald’s began offering this tasty dish to tourists in its Spanish stores. As an added bonus, the meal is served in it’s traditional foil/plastic container. Thanks, McDonald’s, when it comes to diarrhea, this is the meal that will definitely keep on giving.

Taco Bell

Taco Bell is to Mexico what Mexican pizza is to Italy. It’s an abomination and simplification of a cultural cuisine. While most people crave fast foods after a night of drinking, nothing will kick your hangover’s dick in the dirt faster than a bowl of day old menudo. Also, you know Taco Bell is garbage when Taco Bell can’t even keep it’s business open in Mexico.

Hot Tamales

Nothing says Latin American desert like spicy gelatin pellets made in Pennsylvania. Real Mexican candy is a curious thing. It’s flavors unravel in your mouth as you try to decide whether or not you actually like it, until you realize you’ve eaten of it. The Hot Tamale brand has nothing to do with Tamales except that they are both hot. And we all know that if something is hot, it must be from south of the border.

Pace Picante Sauce

I’m not going to lie: I can and will eat a jar of this stuff in a single sitting. That being said, I never quite understood the early 90s marketing of this product. We have a group of old, white frontiersmen making salsa, while complaining that New York city doesn’t understand cultural diversity like Texas (where the product is made) does. Anyone who’s ever ridden a New York city subway will tell you its diversity would send even the most hardened racist into a panic attack.

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