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Gold Grillz Can Deflect Bullets And Other Barrio Defenses

It’s a dangerous world out there. The nightly news is nothing but violent crime and weather. Luckily, there are ways to protect yourself. Only sometimes, it’s nothing you do intentionally. Case in point, bullet-proof gold teeth. A dude named Watdell Davis shot his brother in the mouth after he caught him smoking his weed. Luckily, the bullet ricocheted off of the brother’s gold grillz. We here at Tu Vez labs have come up with a few more barrio protection devices.

  1. Bullet-proof Serapes – As we know, Hispanics wear serapes all the time. Why not weave Kevlar into the image of the Virgin of Guadalupe embroidered on the front? Not only will it deflect bullets, it will make it look like you are all holy and whatnot.
  2. Ben-Hur Rims – You know the famous chariot race scene in Ben-Hur? Remember how the Roman dude had those blades that stuck out from his chariot wheels? It’s the same idea, only they are switchblades attached to the rims of your lowrider.
  3. Exploding Dominoes – Let’s say you are out on the corner playing ‘noes with some buddies. The game gets nasty and one of the guys pulls a gun on you. Simply pull the pin on the double nine and blow that dude to hell.
  4. Grillz For Dogs – Why should your dog not be protected too? It’s the same principle as the bullet-proof gold teeth, only for your pet. Comes in Pit Bull, Slightly Smaller Pit Bull, and Chihuahua.
  5. The Cock-Blocker 2000 – This non-lethal weapon is sort of like pepper spray, only it is a cannon that shoots steaming hot arroz con pollo in their face. (Chicken and rice not included).
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