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How To Be Friends With Your Mom On Facebook

 by Lucas Molandes

In a touching story, Facebook has played an important role in the reunification of a Costa Rican mother and her son, who had been kidnapped by his father nearly 12 years ago, when the boy was just five years old. This isn’t the first time family members have been reunited through the Internet. Earlier this year, Sarah Kemp and George Bentley (pictured below) began dating one another online only to find out later they were brother and sister.

Luckily for mother Kattia Sanchez Liebers and her son, Justin Liebers, they were not sloppy, lust-filled online lovers. Instead, Justin reached out to his mother, explaining who he was, which resulted in the heartwarming reunion this past Sunday.

While that’s sweet and all, I can’t help but wonder if Justin understands the perils of befriending your mother on Facebook.

Justin, take it from me, pictures of drunken nights, strip poker, and camera moonings are just a few of the things you can expect to see on your Mother’s wall. That’s just the nature of the beast, my man. She’s probably in her late 40’s and that mid-life crisis will be there in full bloom for all the world and God to see. Don’t even get me started on what it feels like when your mom “pokes” you for the first time. She thinks it is cute, but really, you’re letting your mom fingerblast you online. Does that sound like fun to you, you sick pervert?

Now, I’m not going to lie, I left my mother in Facebook friendship limbo for a while before approving her. That might sound harsh, but remember, you have to be firm with your parents. Being friends with the parental units online is all about establishing a few boundaries:

1. For a good time, make sure she never posts her phone number on your wall. I’ve seen this happen a few times and it’s never gone well. I don’t know why parents think this is okay, but make sure your parents know the Facebook wall is for social updates. It’s not a bathroom wall.

2. Make sure they know it doesn’t hurt your feelings if they don’t publicly “LIKE” everyone one of your updates and, or photos. While the sentiment is nice, it can be creepy to know your parents are stalking you.

3. They are not allowed to befriend your significant other online. When you break up, the last thing you want your mom to hear about is how you have 3 testicles or an extra nipple. I’m sure, being your mother, she knows these things. But, it’s never nice to “know she knows”.

Lucas Molandes is a stand-up comedian that has made appearances at the prestigious Montreal Just for Laughs Festival, Comedy Central’s “Live at Gotham,” and CNN”s “Not Just Another Cable News Show.”

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