site stats


Kim Jong Il’s Death Has People Asking, “What Will Happen When Castro Dies?”

Kim Jong-Il’s death has got a lot of people thinking about another old fart dictator: Fidel Castro.There has always been a question as to what will happen when Fidel finally dies. A lot of people in Miami think that the system will collapse. That scenario looks doubtful after Fidel’s brother Raul took over in 2006. The system will probably continue, hopefully with more freedom after Fidel and Raul’s deaths. Kim Jong-Il took over the dictator job from his father Kim Il-Sung in 1993. Now his son Kim Jong-un has taken the reins. In Cuba, it’s starting to look like they too will have a hereditary commie dictatorship. We think both scenarios of what will happen after his death are wrong. We believe he’s never going to die. Here is a list of 5 possibilities for life after Castro’s “death”.

Castro Will Be Made Into A Cyborg

This is the most likely scenario. We believe that when he’s close to death, Cuban scientists will turn him into a cyborg. You know, like in “Robocop”. The Castrobot 3000 will have Castro’s brain and beard, but will be super strong and have one machine gun hand and one metal hand. Castrobot will then return to power and rule with an iron fist. Literally.

Fidel’s Beard Will Gain Sentience and Rule In his Place

We’ve talked about the glory that is Fidel’s beard before. A beard such as his has the potential to achieve sentience. You see, his beard is the source of his power, just like Samson in the Bible. Without it, he could never have won the revolution or stayed in power that long. It’s hard to say what life would be like under a beardocracy. It could hardly be worse than the current system.

Fidel Clone

It’s also possible that when Fidel dies, his consciousness will simply be downloaded into a clone. He would then be like the Cylons on “Battlestar Gallactica”, (only nowhere near as hot). If this is true, then Fidel’s clones could rule indefinitely. Unless someone finds where he’s stashing the clones and blows them up.

Fidel’s Ghost Will Give Orders Via Ouija Board

In this scenario, Fidel will no longer have corporeal form. However, he will continue to exert power from beyond the grave via Ouija board. The communist party officials would consult Fidel’s spirit using the Hasbro game twice a day. He may even manifest in a seance, though its hard to give orders by rapping on a table. Maybe Morse Code?

Zombie Castro

Perhaps Fidel will simply rise from the dead and start biting people. Policies would change, as the system would go from a Soviet style model into a braiiiinnnnsss governmental system. The zombie virus would soon turn everyone in Cuba into a zombie, like in “Juan of the Dead“. This would solve the food shortage crisis and give all of the out of work Cubans something to do. It would probably hurt tourism, though.

Via Fox News Latino.

Promoted Content

0 Responses to "Kim Jong Il’s Death Has People Asking, “What Will Happen When Castro Dies?”"