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Knockout Game: Fact Or Fiction?

What is it with teens these days? One week they’re being being hailed as the “next Steve Jobs“. The following week they’re shoving vodka-soaked tampons up their asses, choking one another out, and participating in guerrilla-style fisticuffs with random pedestrians. That last example is what’s known as the knockout game, which may or may not be the latest trend among teenagers looking for fun. For those of you who don’t know how the knockout game is played, the rules are simple: You walk down the street after a long day of working a job you hate; a teenager punches you in the back of the skull; you get to the hospital just in time to see the video of you getting knocked out playing on the 6 o’clock news! Fun, huh?

Initial reports from reputable news sites claimed that occurrences of the knockout game were on the rise, indicating a disturbing trend that any one of us might fall victim to the one-hitter quitter if we were to leave the safety of our own homes. However, as days have passed and the nervousness caused by the recent videos has somewhat dissipated, there are those who have come out to say the game is no more than an attempt to stir up moral panic and ratings. The Daily Beast reported that the game has been in the news since 1992. If we lived in an era where cameras were not on every street corner, videos like the one above may not even exist, and tales of the knockout game would be regarded with the same skepticism as any other urban legend. But the videos do exist, and they can be quite disturbing to watch.

I don’t understand why the knockout game occurs in the first place. We live in an age where there’s more than enough Adderall, nut allergies, and video games to keep teenagers occupied indoors well into their 40s. Why would a teenager ever leave the house when they can shoot cannibal nudists in the crotch in Grand Theft Auto 5 from the safety of their own room? Why go outside and punch someone in the face when you can actually ruin someone’s life by trolling them online? Call me old fashioned, but back in my day, we only went outside when mom and dad were enjoying a loud nooner. As soon as mom and pops were done, we went right back in to play ten more hours of Zelda. I don’t think kids understand how good they have it these days. Stay inside, kids. Going outdoors is a mug’s game.

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