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Lynda Carter Is The Only Wonder Woman

The new Wonder Woman movie is coming out in a couple of months and it is about time. It’s time that the sausage fest that is American superhero movies changes. Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman was one of the only tolerable parts of Batman V. Superman and I’m sure she will do a fine job. And yet…and yet. There comes a moment in the life of every boy when he realizes his sexual preference. The magical revelation that, “Yes, girls are totally effing hot.” For this author, the memory is very clear. I was sitting in my living room in Miami, age 3 or 4, watching TV. All of a sudden this gorgeous girl with long black hair and bright blue eyes came on the screen. She was wearing a red, white, blue, and gold bathing suit and was beating up some baddies. At that moment, any Freudian latency period was destroyed forever by Lynda Carter, the only Wonder Woman.

Lynda Cardoza-Carter is a Mexican-Irish girl from the Latino “loving” state of Arizona. She was always a talented girl, starring in plays and singing from an early age. When she was in high school, she and some friends had an all-girl salsa group (yow-zaa!) Lynda soon left Arizona to seek her fame and fortune in Hollywood. She entered in a small beauty contest and kept winning until she was the first Latina Miss World USA. When ABC was looking to cast the lead role in The New Adventures of Wonder Woman in 1975, Lynda was the first choice.

Wonder Woman is a strange character. She was created by a guy named William Marston in 1941. Marston had invented the lie detector, and was convinced that women were superior to men. Marston modelled Wonder Woman after the girl that was involved in a polyamorous relationship with he and his wife. Pimp. Wonder Woman ties up men with her magic lariat and makes them to tell the truth. It’s all about women being dominant and men being submissive to their will. Kinky.

Lynda would play the dual roles of the sexy Amazonian princess and her alter ego, reporter Diana Prince. The show is fairly campy, which is what makes it so fun. In every episode, Diana Prince is investigating a crime for a story. Fifteen minutes of the show is her walking around talking to people, snooping, or spying. No one cares about this part. You were just waiting for the moment when she would rip off her glasses and let down her hair. Then she’d start spinning (cue funk guitar) and bam! She’s Wonder Woman. She would make short work of whatever crooks needed regulating (Respect, Nate Dogg). Sometimes, there would be a dude in a goofy ape suit or something for her to fight as well. Classic. The show ran from 1975-1979, and has continued in non-stop syndication. There is talk of them doing a Wonder Women movie in the near future. As far was we’re concerned, no one can fill Lynda’s sexy red leather boots.

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