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Mexican Drug Lord Killed By Clown Hit Squad

Francisco Rafael Arellano Felix, the oldest brother of the notorious Tijuana cartel family, was assassinated…by a clown. The Felix clan was having a family bar-b-q on a beach in Baja California sur when a dude dressed like a full on payaso came up and shot Arellano twice. The assassin was wearing a bright colored wig, a red nose, and (reports vary) a full on clown costume. He had two accomplices but it is unclear if they too were dressed like creepy creepy clowns. I think that clown costumes are a risky disguise choice when you are murdering drug lords. Sure, you have a lot of pockets to keep extra ammo, guns, and rubber chickens but aren’t the clown shoes going to hinder your ability to run away? But what are the long term implications of this clown crime? Either the Joker is real or the Mexican drug war has officially “jumped the shark”.

The term “jumped the shark” refers to a notorious episode of Happy Days in which the gang went to Hawaii and Fonzie, (literally), jumped over a man-eating shark with his motorcycle. It’s the exact moment in which a show passes its prime because the writers have run out of ideas. Obviously, the normal spate of murders and crime have become boring for the cartels. Been there, killed that. We told you once about a drug cartel that dresses like knights and calls themselves the Templars. Now there are killer clowns? What is this, Stephen King’s It? Did the clown have sharp teeth and sound like Tim Curry? The other possibility is that the Joker is real. If that is the case you’ll find me hiding under my bed and crying like a little girl.

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