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Monday Soccer Round Up: Rafa Marquez Is A Douche, Dani Alves Is Brilliant, And Van Persie A Nazi?


Monday morning, folks. It’s time for your weekly soccer round up. Forgive the longish title, but so much to cover.

In local action, the L.A. Galaxy and the New York Red Bulls– two of Major League Soccer‘s biggest franchises– faced off in playoff action. New York, the last team to qualify, lost 1-0 at home against their cross-country rivals. The real story of the match, however, was Mexican national Rafael Marquez losing his cool and flinging the ball at L.A. Galaxy’s Landon Donovan. Landycakes walked away from any potential trouble– smart move– but his teammate Juninho wasn’t so level-headed. The Brazilian shoved Marquez, and a quasi-melee ensued. Both players got red cards and will miss the second leg:

Moving on, Barcelona has not lost a match since August 3 (a friendly against Mexican side Chivas de Guadalajara), so any reports on their footballistic achievements seem kind of silly and redundant. Until they lose again (our prediction: December 11, against Real Madrid at Bernabeu), we’ll selectively be showing you their ridiculous goals. Like this one by Dani Alves:

In English Premiere League action, London clubs Arsenal and Chelsea F.C. Surprisingly, the struggling Arsenal side– a club devastated by recent player departures– took the win by a score of 5-3 thanks two Robin Van Persie’s hat trick. But of course, who cares about individual achievements when we can focus on a potential Nazi salute goal celebration! This came after goal #2:

The so-called controversy is stupid, by the way. Van Persie has long been known to celebrate by dusting his shoulders off–Jiggaman-style– and his claim that he was pointing to a section of Arsenal supporters should probably be taken at face value.

Chicharito Watch

Dude scored a goal. A week after losing 6-1 to Manchester City (it was an ugly sight), Little Pea gave his team a small confidence boost with his 19th minute score against Everton. It wasn’t anything spectacular (you can watch below) but Chicharito Hernandez’s goal gave his side a much needed three points.

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