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Puerto Rico Shoots Down Bill To Legalize Marijuana

It’s a sad day for hacky sack enthusiasts. A bill designed to decriminalize the possession of small amounts of marijuana was Bogarted by Puerto Rico’s lower house this week. Critics of the bill say that relaxing the laws around cheeba would lead to moral decay in a society already plagued by criminal activity. Currently, those caught in possession of marijuana can face up to five years in jail and a 5,000 dollar fine. The bill would have reduced the penalty to no more than 500 dollars and no possibility of jail time for those in possession of an ounce or less of marijuana. No word on how many Bob Marley poster dealers will go out of business because of this, but the number is expected to be high.

A recent public opinion poll revealed that nearly 70 percent of the population disagreed with the bill to decriminalize the drug. As many of you know, marijuana is a very evil drug, capable of making even the worst Wayans brother movie watchable. Some claim that marijuana is a gateway drug that leads to harder drugs. However, that’s like saying kindergarten leads to college. We all know that’s not always true. At some point, personal choice has to factor in. Arguably, the most evil thing pot has ever done is led to the creation of drum circles and ridiculous propaganda movies like Reefer Madness.

I am joking of course. My perspective on the subject of Marijuana, and most drug use, is skewed. In the U.S., drugs have been portrayed in the media to the point of desensitization and even glamorization. People addicted to cocaine, crystal meth, and crack have been turned into pseudo-celebs on shows like Intervention and Real Housewives. Hell, some drug addicts in America have gone on to very successful careers. People like Snoop Lion, Barry Bonds, and most recently, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford show that drugs can even lead to the creation of role models in our society. So, Puerto Rico, mellow out man. What’s the worst that could happen!

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