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“Rico Suave” Singer Gerardo Gets His Own TV Show

In what can only be described as the death of entertainment, Gerardo will star in his very own reality series on VH1. It is called…wait for it…Suave Says. The show will center on his currently life as an executive at Interscope record and how he’s “passing the musical torch” to his three kids, (which are the price you pay for being a gigolo). I’m not sure what kind of geriatric exec at Viacom greenlit this masterpiece but he should be fired. I say geriatric because only a person with senility would A) agree to such a travesty and B) think that the kids today want to listen to Gerardo and his hippity hop music. I imagine the pitch meeting went like this, “So, imagine a show that’s like Run’s House but with a totally talentless chode who hasn’t been famous for 20 years.” And then the exec put down his bowl of tapioca and yelled, “Sold!” and then had to take a nap.

I’ve written before about how Gerardo is one of the worst things to happen to Latinos ever. It goes Gerardo, then the conquest of the Americas, then probably the talking Chihuahua from Taco Bell on the scale of ethnic tragedy. “But Jack, Gerardo was a pioneer. He was one of the first Latino artists to crossover”. But was he a pioneer? By definition a pioneer is someone who advances the cause of something. Gerardo set Latinos in America back by 500 years at least. I blame him for there being no movement on comprehensive immigration reform, for example. When the White senators on the right think about Latino men coming to America they picture Rico Suave coming to sleep with their daughters. That’s why they want to shut the door on Latin American immigrant’s faces because metaphorically they are keeping Gerardo out so as to not be told, “Y usted señor why’s your chin on the floor? Sierra la boca por favor”. Disrespectful.

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