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The Problem With Santa Claus

There has been a lot of press given to just what ethnicity Santa Claus is recently. Some claim he is a white man, while others claim that Santa is black. Oddly, there hasn’t been much attention given to the Hispanic Santa Claus, which seems weird considering his name contains the Spanish word for Saint. While lively discussions about what ethnicity an imaginary creature are always a good thing, I feel like we’re having the wrong conversation about the whole topic. I mean, I already find it disturbing that Santa is still a thing at all. I don’t mean the enjoyable, rosacea plagued Santa who stalks around dark houses and leaves gifts. I’m talking about the real life mall Santas that emerge once a year like festive cicadas. We live in such a child safety conscious world, I don’t know how the mall Santa Claus still gets work every year. What’s that job interview like?

“Hey creepy old guy, how do you feel about having children sit on your lap all day?
“Could I do it while wearing a disguise?”
“Absolutely. How does ten dollars an hour sound!”
“Perfect! I can’t wait to bring joy to so many unsuspecting children!”

I don’t care what color the man in the Santa Claus suit is, that’s some shady behavior right there. Looks like the kid in that picture is going to get suppressed memories for Christmas. But I’m not here to stir the pot. I just want to draw attention to the guy pictured above. If you type “creepy santa” in Google, you’ll find thousands of images like the one above. We always talk about how Santa knows if you’ve been naughty or nice, but when was the last time we did a thorough background check on creepy mall Santa? So let’s stop having these pointless conversations about how much milk is in Santa’s coffee, and let’s start casting a more suspicious eye towards those who profit off of the hopes and dreams of children.

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