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The Bisexuality of Michelle Rodriguez

“I’ve gone both ways. I do as I please. I am too … curious to sit here and not try when I can. Men are intriguing. So are chicks.” — Michelle Rodriguez.

Michelle Rodriguez recently came out as bisexual, which means I still have no chance of ever hooking up with her. In fact, she would have to change her sexual preference to “loner that eats Milky Ways and Cheez-Its for breakfast” for me to get my hopes up. That being said, I find it strange that anyone would question the fact that she casts a wide sexual net.

Think about the most beautiful person you actually know. Maybe they are the person that works the cell phone kiosk at the mall. Maybe they are the person that grooms your Irish Wolfhound once a month. Maybe that person is your own mother. Now, mentally, put that person next to Michelle Rodriguez. On a purely aesthetic level, Michelle makes that person look like wretched garbage worthy of the deepest wastebasket. No offense, mom.

Michelle has that kind of beauty that only a small percentage of humanity ever experience. I’m speaking of people like: Brad Pitt, Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, a young Brigitte Bardot. They are gods among us. They are people you might name during a game of “Who Would You Go Gay For.”

And that begs the question, can someone actually “go gay” for a beautiful person like Michelle. Let’s say I was a woman and I had the chance to engage Michelle Rodriguez in a high scoring game of tonsil hockey, I wouldn’t hesitate for a moment. And no one would say, “but I thought you liked men.” That’s not the issue.  If bigfoot walked through my room right now, I would snap a photo of it. Now, I’m no bigfoot chaser, but I’d be an idiot not to grab a photo of that hairy humanoid.

Michelle, if you ever read this, please keep casting that wide net. Your sexuality, like sunshine or memory foam, is a gift meant for all of humanity.

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