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The Ultimate Apocalypse Survival Kit


The Maya supposedly predicted that the world is going to end next year on December 21, 2012. At least, that’s what all those shows on the History Channel have told us. The way we see it there are one of four possible ways this will happen: 1) Quetzalcoatl, the feathered serpent god, will return to destroy the world with fire. 2) Robot uprising. 3) Alien invasion. 4) Zombocalypse. All seem like pretty nasty ways to go. “But what can we do to prepare for these frightening scenarios, Tu Vez?” We’re glad you asked.

We are going to buy one of these Gerber Apocalypse Kits. They are made by tool maker Gerber, (not the guys that make the baby food). It contains three nasty looking machetes, three knives, and an ax all in a convenient roll-up case. The kit will be featured on the next season of “The Walking Dead”. With this kit you can decapitate a Terminator, while stabbing an alien, simultaneously braining a zombie, and chopping off Quetzalcoatl’s tail. Sure, it costs $350, but can you really put a price tag on the survival of the human race?

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