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This Latin Life: Cartel Boss Has American Children, Fidel Castro As A Blogger

Welcome to “This Latin Life,” a recurring feature in which we bring you the news from south of the border in quick, funny nugget form. Mmm, nuggets…

Here’s a heart warming drug-dealer story: 22-year-old Emma Coronel recently gave birth to the most dubious Latino siblings since the Menendez brothers. Why dubious? She is the wife of Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman, the world’s richest drug-trafficker. And to put the cherry on top, the children were born in the United States, rendering them certified legal citizens. That noise you’re hearing in the distance? That’s the sound of the space-time continuum crumbling directly over the Federation for American Immigration Reform’s headquarters. Guzman is 54-years-old (904 in drug-trafficker years), and this is his 3rd or 4th marriage. His current whereabouts are unknown.

El Chapo Guzman

In an upcoming documentary, Mexico claims they have evidence the Mayans interacted with aliens. Hmmm… so they have evidence that aliens exist, but they don’t know the whereabouts of Joaquin Guzman? I’d like to call BS, but there have been quite a few legitimate chupacabra and witch sightings recently.  I wouldn’t want to look like an idiot if this whole alien thing turned out to be true. Also, Guatemala is backing up Mexico’s claim, saying they are about to release previously classified documents. And you know this isn’t a gimmick because the information is coming from the Minister of Guatemala’s Tourism and not some corrupt scientist with data and facts.

This week, former Cuban leader Fidel Castro zombied his way out from underneath his hipster beard long enough to scribble out a diary entry condemning, among other things, President Obama’s recent speech to the U.N. Funny how many countries are finding fault with Obama’s actions, while many of those who live in the U.S. are finding fault with how little he’s done. Be sure to check out the entire piece here: Fidel’s Reflections. Also noteworthy, Castro’s article came out a day after Cuba told the U.S. they were ready for dialogue. With this kind of hot and cold behavior, these two countries don’t need diplomacy, they need Dr. Phil.

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