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This Latin Life: Crime Mimes, Don Gato, And Penis Enlargement

Welcome to “This Latin Life,” a recurring feature in which we bring you the news from south of the border in quick, funny nugget form. Mmm, nuggets…

In the face of considerable corruption, President Ollanta Humala of Peru has dismissed two-thirds of his national police force. But all is not lost. This week, the country declared Mick Jagger as their Environmental Ambassador! Hm…Getting the help of a musician while dealing with corrupt officials? Clearly “el presidente” has seen Once Upon A Time In Mexico or Desperado one too many times. No word on if Jagger will carry around a guitar case full of guns and hot-pants. One thing is for sure, if anyone tries to step to Mick, he’ll dance them into submission. The following video is proof enough.

While Peru has replaced much of their national police, Venezuela has decided to incorporate one of the most fear-inducing entities on the planet to police their traffic: Mimes. Sorry, drug-traffickers, you apparently have competition for title of “most evil things in South America.” On paper, using mimes to direct traffic make sense – they are known for communicating important information through physicality, like being trapped in not having a real job. But the real question here is: if a mime is run over by an angry motorist, and no one is there to see it, does it make a sound? I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough.

Where can out of work cartoon animals go for employment? Apparently the answer to that question is Mexico. The artist formerly known as Top Cat – Don Gato – is currently leading the Mexican box office in Don Gato y su Pandilla. The cat is currently on pace to break the country’s all time box office record of 16.3 million, a mark set by El Crimen del Padre Amaro starring Gael Garcia Bernal.  No word on whether Don Gato plans to follow in Gael’s footsteps by doing more nude scenes, but one can only hope. Read more about the story here. Or check out the trailer below.

Finally, according to the Latin American Herald Tribune, the demand for penis lengthening surgery in Cuba is on the rise. I hope all those anti-immigration fanatics who post their opinions on FOX News’ message boards will finally realize just how much in common they have with their brothers to the south. True beauty comes from within, no matter what part of the world you live in. So don’t take out your frustrations on ethnics seeking out a better life. They’re just like you: working with what God gave them. Make love not war. It’s pronounced fornicate, not “foreign hate.”

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