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This Latin Life: Flashing Miss Colombia, Hypnotists, And Casey Anthony Escapes To Mexico

Welcome to “This Latin Life,” a recurring feature in which we bring you the news from south of the border in quick, funny nugget form. Mmm, nuggets…

This past week Miss Colombia showed news organizations that she could also be referred to as Miss Brazilian when she made a series of commando style public appearances around town (none of which required her to save Alyssa Milano from warlords). 22-year-old Catalina Robayo’s behavior upset pageant officials, causing them to reprimand the Miss Universe contestant for what they called inappropriate conduct. One official said: “People have been pretty upset by it; there have been photos and media appearances where she has completely had her crotch out.”

My opinion? Blind people are really the only ones who should be upset about all this. And that statement can’t make a girl feel good about herself, hearing that her PETA-friendly cooter is upsetting people who look at it. Why is it upsetting? It’s not a meth-mouth; it’s a vagina. They come and they go (usually more going, in my experience). If you want to look at something that’s really going to upset you, watch Shark Night 3D and get some perspective. It’s not like she was using her snizz to hypnotize small Colombian children like some deviant Pied Piper.

Speaking of hypnotizing small Colombian children, Magician Miller Zambrano Posada was arrested after inappropriately touching the subconscious of several children. According to a witness, “[the hypnotized children] all began fainting, crying and one girl was screaming things, nasty things.” While this reaction is a regular occurrence at an Applebee’s happy-hour or a Jesus Camp, Magician Posada told authorities that this was the first time anything like this had ever happened to him. And we all know that excuse never works on police officers or girlfriends.

Speaking of bad with children, Casey Anthony has decided that the United States has become an entirely too hostile place to live, so she’s going to move to the one place where she can “lead a safe, quiet life”: Mexico (as if casino fires and drug wars weren’t enough). The former MILF has decided to spend her days on a secluded ranch in La Paz, where she will be coddled by her rich boyfriend and constantly find new ways to change the subject whenever townsfolk say, “no seriously, what really happened? You can tell me.” When she moves there, I’m sure mal ojo will take on a whole new meaning for Mexican parents.

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