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This Latin Life: Terminator Monkeys And Cheap Airlines

Welcome to “This Latin Life,” a recurring feature in which we bring you the news from south of the border in quick, funny nugget form. Mmm, nuggets…

Well, scientists in Brazil have decided to pair together two things that could potentially bring about the fall of mankind. I’m not talking about the Gatekeeper and the Key Master. I’m saying that we are facing Skynet meets Planet of the Apes because a team of Sao Paulo neuroscientists have made it possible for monkeys to control virtual robotics with their tiny brains. The hope is that one day the technology will provide mobility to paralyzed people through a mind-controlled robotic exoskeleton. Of course that day may never come if we are overrun by terminator monkeys that are holding grudges from all the times I got drunk and made them ride my dog. Think about it people.

As cartel violence continues to grow, Mexican vigilante justice is also on the rise. In a place known for having men who dress up in flashy luchador gear, one can only expect it’s only a matter of time before we actually see a Kick Ass style superhero to emerge. Well, hopefully not, as the idea of a man in an pistachio colored onesie standing up against a blood-thirsty drug cartel sounds a little one-sided. But…the way the U.S. job market is looking, being a superhero in Mexico doesn’t sound like too crazy of a professional choice. Let’s hope my resume is good enough.

Could growing pot in the U.S. help fight the growing South American drug war? Well, with million dollar drones and cameras providing constant border surveillance, it seems odd that the United States is having difficulty breaking down people who are building billion dollar drug empires using Cricket phone technology, underground tunnels, and tractor trailers. So maybe making some homegrown doesn’t sound like too wacky of an idea. Though if the U.S. legalizes pot, can you imagine how that would affect how other countries stereotype U.S. citizens? Sure we’re not the best at education and we have a lot of diabetes going around, but now I have to be good at Guitar Hero and starting conversations with, “that’s what the government wants you to believe…”?

Who doesn’t love to fly? All that excitement. Waiting in lines. Being groped by men in blue gloves. The constant noise of babies sitting in their own filth. Well, Spain’s Iberia Airlines has created Iberia Express, a low cost economy airline that offers all those thrills and so much less! The creation of the discounted travel is Iberia’s attempt to reclaim space in the no frills market, however I didn’t realize there was a market for traveling in something as charming as port-a-potty, but with none of that annoying extra elbow room. The airline plans on providing travel service to numerous European destinations, though I’m sure the same was said about Nazi cattle cars. Look for Iberia Express to take off iin 2012.

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