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Tips For Surviving The 2014 FIFA World Cup

The moment that the entire planet, (except most of the U.S.), has been waiting for is upon us. Tomorrow, June 12th, the 2014 FIFA World Cup begins in Brazil. Alas, while we won’t be there in person we will be reporting on the games as they happen. But millions of people will be traveling to Brazil to, if not actually attend the games, to just be there and soak up the experience. Needless to say there are dangers inherent in such an event. Brazil has had concerns over security and whether or not its infrastructure can support so many people. When you have that many rabid soccer fans in one place it can get…messy. So, we thought we’d give you some tips on how to enjoy the games and get out alive.

Don’t Make Eye Contact

This is an important rule that I learned living in New York City. The moment you make eye contact with someone you draw their attention to you. Many people see this as either A) An invitation to talk or B) A provocation. If it is A the worst thing that happens is that some drunk a-hole jabbers your ear off. But if it is B you could be in trouble. In which case…

If You Do Have To Fight

I will share with you what my father told me about fighting that has been passed down the Tomas line for generations. Sometimes you may find that a fight is inevitable. Do not wait for them to throw the first punch. Hit first, hit hard, and friggin’ run. Like, you’ve never run before. I wonder if my father was the inspiration for the sensei at the Cobra-Kai dojo in the Karate Kid?

Cheer For Your Team…Within Reason

There is nothing wrong with cheering for your country’s team but remember that other people are just as passionate about their teams. This means that if you get too “in your face” about your team you are risking a brawl. Especially since soccer fans tend to travel in packs. It’s important to be a graceful winner and loser. Rubbing it in to the losing team is ungentlemanly. Don’t be an a-hole. Jesus said that.

Don’t Eat the Street Food Outside The Stadium

I know it smells nice. I know that you want to soak up the local culture. This is not the way to do it. Eating the food that vendors sell outside the stadium is only inviting diarreah and death. Believe me your enjoyment of the games will be lessened if you are pooping out your soul.

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