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They Should Use Latinos More In Movie Reboots


Movie franchise reboots are all the rage these days. “Batman”, “Star Trek”, and “Spiderman” have all successfully been saved from the jaws of crappy previous versions by starting over. If Batman can be resurrected after the abomination of “Batman and Robin”, anything can. “Battlestar Gallactica” also had a successful reboot in 2004, as the war between humans and robotic Cylons became a sweeping space opera. The main character of Will Adama was also rebooted from scary-eybrowed Lorne Green to the king of Latino actors, Edward James Olmos. We think more movie and TV shows should have Latino reboots. Here’s a list of five ideas for new reboots or how to make current reboots better.

Star Trek: Wrath of Khan

The first “Star Trek” reboot was pretty cool, even though JJ Abrams needs to lay off the lens flares. Then in the sequel they did Khan with Benedict Cumberbatch. WTF? Some pasty white dude? He was played on the TV show and the movies by Ricardo Montalban. For decades he was the only Latino in space. We say have him tussle with the new crew of the starship Enterprise. Khan can be played by Benicio Del Toro. There can be a subplot where he seduces Uhura, played by Dominican-American Zoe Saldana. You know she’d rather be with Benicio than Zachary Quinto.

Supermang

So, we know they are already working on a new “Superman” film, but what if it sucks as bad as Bryan Singer one? We say, start from scratch and make it Supermang. Baby Kal-El is sent from his dying planet of Krypton in a rocketship. He crash lands on Earth and is adopted by Ma and Pa Kent. Did he have permission to enter U.S. airspace or set up residency here? No. Superman is an illegal alien. How could he get his job at the daily planet without a green card or long form birth certificate? Lex Luthor could be a sinister immigration agent. You cast Gael Garcia Bernal as Supermang, Andy Garcia as Jor-El, and Gabriela Vergara as Louis Lane and you’ll have a hit.

Batman VS. el Pinguino

The Christian Bale/Christopher Nolan “Batman” reboot is pretty friggin’ awesome. So, we’ll leave it largely intact. But may we suggest that when they get to the Penguin, they cast Jorge Garcia. Jorge made it big, (no pun intended), playing Hurley on the mega-hit “Lost”. He already has the proper weight to be the Penguin and he would probably look good in a top hat. El Pinguino could shoot Batman in the eye with Cholula sauce from an umbrella, then squirt some on his enchiladas.

The Adventures Of Satipo, Indiana Jones Latino Sidekick

“Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull” was disappointing. First of all, extraterrestrials don’t belong in Indiana Jones movies. Secondly, Indi ventures into South America and there isn’t a single Latino character. What’s up with that Spielberg and Lucas? You can make CGI gophers and monkeys and not cast as single homeboy? Heck, put them in digitally in post if you have to. We say do a sequel with Indiana Jones’ ill-fated Latino sidekick Satipo. He was played by Alfred Molina in “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, and is impaled while trying to steal the Hovitos idol. What if he somehow survived? It is no more far fetched than friggin’ aliens. Satipo goes on adventures trying to steal ancient artifacts to feed his family of six kids. Indiana Jones tries to stop him, but shatters a hip.

Realistic Miami Vice

“Miami Vice” was an awesome TV Show, but the recent movie starring Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx sucked a big one. As cool as the original was, it isn’t really an accurate portrayal of life in Miami. Crocket should be Croqueta, a bloated Cuban detective with high cholesterol. Tubbs should be a Haitian refugee living in Hialeah. Croqueta and Tubbs hate each other due to the long standing feud between Cubans and Hatians over who can build the better raft out of trash to sail illegally to the U.S. They finally come together to bring down a crack dealing 16 year old. Croqueta could be played by Cuban telenovela star Cesar Evora and Tubbs could be Wyclef Jean.

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