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Patton Oswalt On The Horrible Christmas Song “Christmas Shoes” (NSFW)


As our thoughts turn to the holidays, we’re filled with the spirit of the season. No, we don’t mean the rum inside the egg nog, (though we do love us some nog). It’s easy to be cynical and say that the holidays are only about commercialism and buying stuff. But we don’t buy it, (get it?). Something that always gets us in the right frame of mind is a good Christmas song. We challenge you not to smile when singing “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” of “Frosty the Snowman”. The one downside is that in the last few years there have been a crop of new Christmas songs that aren’t exactly…cheery.

This brings us to the song “Christmas Shoes”. This passed weekend, this author and a friend poured over this song like two scientists looking for a cure for cancer. It’s a Christian/country song by the group New Song. The “plot” involves a guy standing in line to buy some last minute presents. In front of him in line is a poor child who wants to buy some shoes for his mom. Sweet, right? Nope. He wants to buy them because his mom is dying, and he wants her to look pretty in case she meets Jesus tonight. This song is so depressing it makes me want to open a vein so I can meet Jesus tonight.

Here is the great comedian Patton Oswalt explaining the horrors of this song. This is not safe for work. But it is safe for hilarity!

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