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Why You Shouldn’t Drag Race In The Suburbs

Not to be “that guy”, but drag racing is really dangerous. If songs from the ’50’s are to be believed, 70% of all teenage deaths are caused by drag racing. Seriously, it’s not called Dead Man’s Curve for nothing. Still, people do it. On the back roads of Texas, near where we TuVezers grew up, people would race late at night on Saturdays. Thick-necked guys would try to impress girls with questionable teeth in their suped-up cars. It was like “The Fast and the Furious”, but with more  teen pregnancy and bad hygiene.

What really doesn’t make sense is drag racing in the suburbs. Besides the fact that you could easily kill a family in a highly residential area, it just isn’t good for racing. The streets curve, there are speed bumps, too many lights, and unfortunately for these two brainiacs, big medians. We know exactly where these guys are racing. It is in the upper-middle class neighborhood of The Woodlands, just north of Houston. These kids’ parents are gonna be so mad when they get back from their tennis lesson at the club.

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