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Winter Storm Freezes Most Of The Country

A wicked winter storm has frozen almost the entire country, (Well, except for Hawaii). It’s still balmy there. Record low temperatures and epic blizzards are on their way. Chicago is at -10 right now. That is colder than the South pole. I know that it is summer there, but still. Even Florida is cold with temperatures in Daytona of 40 degrees. Right now where I live in New York City it is 6 degrees outside. 6! The real problem is that the storm is bringing with it redonkulous wind chill factors. It is -12 outside with the wind chill. I was just out in it and I can tell you that my body reacted badly. My spicy muy caliente Cuban blood was not built for 6 degrees. The important thing is to stay warm and not be a jerk about the cold.

What do I mean? I’m sure you’ve seen people on Facebook and Twitter trying to outdo each other with how cold they are. Yes, it’s -10 in Illinois and only 6 here in New York. You don’t need to tell me that 6 degrees is a summer breeze or some such nonsense. Don’t be that guy. I realize that you come from the frozen tundra and that the rest of us are complaining about higher temperatures than you are used to. No one likes a weather jerk. They are the Northern cousins of the Southern guy that makes fun of you for complaining about the heat. “90 degrees! Why where I come from it’s as hot as the surface of the sun and all matter turns to plasma.” Shut up, yo. It’s freeze your polongas off cold outside.

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