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The 2022 World Cup Bid Goes To… Qatar???

FIFA announced today that Russia and Qatar will host the 2018 and 2022 World Cups, respectively. Russia beating out England to host the tournament in 2018 was somewhat of an upset, but Qatar getting the bid over heavily favored United States? That’s a “Buster Douglas beats Mike Tyson” quality shocker right there. We’re pretty sure all that oil money the Middle Eastern country is sitting on helped, too.

Sigh. That bid should have been ours. America does sports right. Case in point: the Super Bowl. We’re trying to look at the bright side of this clearly ridiculously idiotic decision, but there’s not much of one. The stadiums they’re supposed to built are kind of really cool, we guess.

But outside of that, there really isn’t much to look forward to. The freaking country is smaller than our backyard! Also, it’s ridiculously hot. Like triple digits hot. Oh yeah, and did you know that the male to female ratio is 3.46: 1? Yes, that’s math for “sausage fest.” We doubt that statistic will change much for the actual tournament. In past tournaments, loads of walkers of the night (pssst, we’re talking about prostitutes!) would flood the host country to service spectators’ sexual needs. Yeah, that’s not happening in Qatar. They’re very serious about the subjugation of women there. They’re lucky the government allows women to drive a car.

Die in a fire, Sepp Blatter!

But perhaps the biggest issue we have with Qatar is their views on alcohol. According to Wikipedia:

“The laws of Qatar tolerate alcohol to a certain extent. However, the few bars and nightclubs in Qatar operate only in expensive hotels and clubs, much Distribution Company, the only importer and retailer for alcohol in Qatar. Under Qatar’s Sharia, it is illegal to show alcohol or be drunk in public.”

Who the hell wants to go to one of the world’s biggest sporting events without being allowed to get smashed in public? Hands down, this will be the worst World Cup ever.

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