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Basketball Douchebaggery Recap: Kobe Does Music, LeBron James Does Liverpool

It’s been an interesting day in the world of douchebag basketball players. Los Angeles Laker Kobe Bryant showed off that he can annoy people off the court as much as on the hardwood. What are we talking about, you ask? We’re talking about Black Mamba’s (dumbest nickname ever, by the way) recent collaboration with Taiwanese pop star Jay Chou. That’s right, folks. When Kobe’s not making commercials with Robert Rodriguez, he’s making cameos in Chinese music videos. Check out the video for “天地一鬥” (“Life Is a Bucket”). It’s no “可愛女人” (“Adorable Woman”) or “雙刀” (“Double Sabres”), but it’ll do:

In other news, The Wall Street Journal is reporting that LeBron James– the most hated man in Cleveland, Ohio– is now a minority owner of Liverpool FC thanks to a partnership his company– LRMR Branding & Marketing– just made with Fenway Sports Group. The latter, which owns both the famed English soccer club and the Boston Red Sox, will in turn represent LeDouche’s image worldwide. Below are some choice quotes from the story, followed by our own thoughts in bold:

-“The first time I stepped on an NBA court I became a businessman,” said Mr. James, who is 26 years old. “This is a great opportunity for me.” We’re pretty sure you became a “businessman” well before that, LeBron. Sure, you might not have received a salary like you do now, but getting paid with a two throwback jerseys valued at $845 for posing for a picture counts as a business transaction.

-“Eighteen championships,” Mr. James said. “I see myself trying to do the same things they have.” Question: can one suffer from delusions of grandeur if they’re rich and famous? We ask because James is always talking about how he’s going to be doing this (win championships) and that (never leave Cleveland) but is clearly wrong on all counts. Has anyone looked into the possibility that LeBron may very well suffer from grandiose delusions.  How else can you explain the previous quote? Dude hasn’t won jack, and he’s talking about winning 18 championships. Give us a break.

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