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Behold Burritobox, The Burrito Vending Machine

Science has once again come through with a truly miraculous product called Burritobox, the burrito vending machine. Of course, by miraculous I mean an abomination thought up by Satan himself. It works not unlike the Redbox DVD rental machines. You choose your burrito from a touch screen. It then”makes” it for you while playing club music and goofy videos. You can choose from Chorizo Sausage, Roasted Potato, Uncured Bacon, Free-Range Chicken and Shredded Beef with options for sour cream, Tabasco sauce, and guacamole. Currently the only known Burritobox is at a Mobil gas station in West Hollywood but I’m sure it’s going to catch on. If nothing else hipsters will eat it to be “ironic”, IE. annoying. This is just the latest attempt by the American food industrial complex or whatever to take a Latino food and make it utterly inedible.

The burrito was born right here in the United States along the Mexican border in California and further developed in the San Fernando valley and Bay Areas. It isn’t authentically Mexican per se but is authentically Cali-Mex which is a perfectly valid cuisine. Some might argue that the burrito, being an American invention, cannot truly be made to be a horrible Gringo concoction. Not true, my friends. It might be an American invention but the qualities of the original can still be ruined by “convenience”. How fast do you need a burrito? How much time are you really saving? You can go to any Mexican restaurant in the U.S. and get a burrito to go in just a few minutes. Hell, even Chipotle or one of those swanky do-it-yourself burrito places is super quick. I’d go to any number of food trucks that serve excellent burritos before I’d buy one from a vending machine. You pay for the burrito but you get the diarrhea for free. I live on the east coast so I don’t have access to this travesty. If someone tries it let us know what you think.

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