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This Latin Life: Clowns, Eva Longoria’s Pulled Film, and Firebombing Taco Bell

Welcome to “This Latin Life,” a recurring feature in which we bring you the news from south of the border in quick, funny nugget form. Mmm, nuggets…

We recently reported that Mimes were out to patrol the streets in Venezuela. Well now we have clowns taking to the streets of Mexico to “laugh out loud for 15 minutes” in an effort to promote world peace. Speaking from experience, the only thing “laughing clowns” are going to promote is my inability to maintain an erection. The real question here is: does world peace matter when Juggalos become hippies? I’m certain that’s a sign of the end of the world.

Who would have thought a movie called “Without Men” would contain excessive lesbianism or Christian Slater? Well apparently Barcelona’s Gay and Lesbian Film Festival has pulled Eva Longoria’s latest movie because the film’s Spanish distributor removed all of the steamy same-sex scenes. According to the head of the festival,  Xavier Daniel, “The audience will not understand the film, because all the lesbian scenes are cut out… It is unbelievable in the year 2011.” Perhaps even more unbelievable, the Gay and Lesbian Film Festival will pull your movie if you don’t lez out on camera to prove your loyalty. Sexual preferences are like alcoholism. If you’re an alcoholic, you’re always an alcoholic whether or not you have a drink in your mouth. And if you’re gay, you’re always going to be gay, whether or not you have a d…you see what I’m getting at.

Some dude in Georgia was so unimpressed with the quality of his Taco Bell chalupa that he called the business, shouted racial slurs, and threatened to “redecorate” the building. Later that evening, a police officer driving by saw the Taco Bell on fire, apparently from a Molotov Cocktail. Before we jump to conclusions here, I’d like to say that this might not have been the result of a Molotov Coctail, really. I mean, have you had their chalupas? I feel like I threaten to “fire bomb” a Taco Bell bathroom at least once a week. Halfway through a Volcano Burrito my stomach feels like kamikaze pilots are gearing up for an attack and I barely make it in time to redecorate the stall with as much grace as a wood-chipper. Just kidding Taco Bell. Send us free food coupons?

Colombia has expressed interest in the legalization of marijuana. Hmmm. With the drug reputation that country has, Colombia saying they’re cool with legalizing Mary Jane is like a porn-star telling you they sometimes like to make out on a first date.

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