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This Latin Life: Naughty Billionaires & Old Grannies

Welcome to “This Latin Life,” a recurring feature in which we bring you the news from south of the border in quick, funny nugget form. Mmm, nuggets…

Carlos Slim – the man with the name of a porn star, and the body of a retired, diabetic pool shark – has been accused of overcharging Mexican mobile phone customers $25.8 billion annually. Slim, the chief executive of Telmex and Telcel who was fined $1 billion for monopolistic practices just last year, has said that even though his company owns nearly 70 percent of the telecoms sector, the term monopoly does not apply because “competitors have the remaining 30 percent.” No word on whether or not the world’s richest man followed up this statement by eating an endangered panda served to him by one of Brad Pitt’s future adoptees, however, that would not surprise us. [Hispanically Speaking]

For those of you looking for a GGGILF of a good time, Cuba might be the place to visit. According to Juana Bautista de la Candelaria Rodriguez’s civil registry documentation, the young woman celebrated her 127 birthday on February 2nd. This achievement would make her the world’s oldest living person, by 12 years, however, the Gerontology Research Group, which verifies ages for the Guinness Book of World’s Records, has doubts about her claim. According to expert Robert D. Young – referring to her ability to walk around and speak – “She just doesn’t exhibit the attributes of a person who would be 126 years old.” Just tell us the truth Robert, you’re tired of all the world records that Latin America has claimed recently! Also, not that we’re doubtful of Juana’s age, but we’d like to point out that there’s no evidence that she’s not actually Gary Oldman in heavy make-up. [FOX NEWS]

The letters I-C-E have a lot of negative connotations in the Latin American world, usually referring to Meth or deportations. However in Chile, a thief was busted for stealing nearly 5 tonnes of actual ice from the Jorge Montt glacier in the Patagonia region – already one of the world’s fastest shrinking glaciers. For those of you who are curious, the thief planned to sell the ice as designer ice cubes to upscale bars in the Santiago region. If you’re like me, you know that a night of drinking over-priced liquor, while trying to fingerblast anything covered in Drakkar Noir, isn’t complete unless you’ve violated mother nature. I mean, if she didn’t want it, then why was she covered in all those natural resources? The 1% knows what I’m talking about. [Guardian]

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