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Tu Vez Blast-From-The-Past Truck: Weird Spanish Channel Commercials

Marty McFly and Doc Brown had the Delorean to go travel through time; We have the Tu Vez Blast-From-The-Past Truck. Every week, we’ll hop in our time traveling machine, gun it to 88 MPH, and go back in time to bring you the best from the good ol’ days. Will it be a clip from an old telenovela? An old school music video? Stick around and find out!

By Jack Tomas

TV runs on ad sales. It’s the only thing that matters. Commercials pay for salaries, sets, crew, and blow for the actors. On regular American TV, the ads are pretty tame. Other than at Super Bowl time, it feels like ad agencies are phoning it in. On the Spanish channels, it’s a different ball game. I will take the challenge that our commercials are weirder and more memorable than any American ad. In this week’s Blast from the Past post, I’m going to demonstrate my point by featuring three of my favorite Spanish channel ads. This first one is a classic Pepto Bismol ad from the 90’s. Two guys are at a soccer game, when suddenly the fat guy that looks like Saddam Hussein starts to feel badly in his tummy. The weird guy next to him has an old man puppet on his hand that offers the unsolicited advice that Saddam needs to drink some Pepto. Now, Saddam immediately takes the puppet’s advice and takes the medicine. If some freak that brings a puppet to a soccer match offers me something to drink, I’d decline. I try to avoid being roofied and sodomized by both weird men and puppets. Start the video at 1:30.

In this delightful Barbie ad, an animated cat and dog appear among real live cats and dogs. Right away, that’s just weird. Then real girls begin playing with Barbie and her friend Teresa. Teresa has a pet cat that she feeds from a baby bottle. How cute right? Then the cat pisses in a litter box that Teresa has to scoop. This is a toy that comes with a litter box, people. The last thing I want to encourage is my daughter to play in the cat’s crap sand. In the next part of the commercial, Barbie plays with her dog in the park. She feeds him a brown ball that the dog promptly craps out. Barbie is feeding the dog a turd which it digests and poops out creating an uberturd. These dolls take the two worst parts of pet ownership and make it the draw. Brilliant.

This last commercial is the greatest ad in history. It would make Don Draper spill scotch on himself. It’s an ad for a Lucas Muecas lollipops. Two Mexican dudes are facing a firing squad. One of the guys has a last request, that he be given a Lucas Muecas lollipop. The other dude then requests that the other guy be shot first, which the firing squad obliges. He then steals the Muecas from his dead friend and begins sucking on it. The firing squad keeps shooting him until he dies, clutching his Lucas Muecas. Usually, ad campaigns stay away from executions, betrayal, and death. This is the genius of the commercials on the Spanish channel. They look at life in all of its horror and lameness and laugh in its face. That ability to laugh at misfortune is the only thing that has kept us Latinos going through our, let’s face it, crappy history. To die with a smile as you suck on a tangy lolli, is to stare death in the face and say, “I’m not afraid of you. You can kill me, but you’ll never kill my love of sour candy!”

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